Intention

I had every intention of writing snappy love advice and lame dating stories this year. I made my past posts hidden so I could tighten them up, make them stronger with multiple edits.

Instead, Covid happened to the world, then the economic standstill, historically devastating wildfires, and the sheer isolation of shelter in place. Plus Black Lives Matter, Proud Boys, cops killing Blacks, protests, “looting,” “riots,” Red versus Blue, Trump versus Biden… and now we are at October 2020.

I just turned 30 years old. Despite the insane amount of events this year, I feel so lucky.

This is the type of prayer I say every day:

God, thank you for giving me another day. Thank you for another chance to clean up my side of the street. I pray for your protection, so that I may do your bidding. I pray for your will, not mine. Thank you for this life, these legs, my lungs, my smile, my hands, my brain. Thank you for my job, my income, my benefits. I pray for my future partner: their health, happiness, prosperity. Thank you.

I’m also going to put a list of things that have helped me handle 2020:

• Walks outside, with my mask handy
• Cuddles with my rescue dog
• Deleting dating apps and ending toxic relationship(s)
• Investing in myself, such as learning to budget and bring up my credit score
• Taking local community college classes. Took statistics and earned an A. Taking another class this fall. Education keeps my brain occupied on useful thoughts.
• Therapy
• 12 step groups. 4.5 years sober doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
• Safe socializing. Movie parties and 12 step meetings via Zoom. Meeting friends in person with masks and at a distance. Hugging a very limited amount of people.
• DIY projects. I made an ugly bookcase beautiful, see after photos below.

If you’re ever thinking, “What the hell else can I do?” Go take three goddamn breaths. Then do it again, but slowly. Notice your breaths until you get to 100. If that didn’t work, try getting on your knees. God will have an answer. I’m not God and I’m sure as hell not yours.

Charlotte (speaking voice)