Apologies to my imaginary readers for becoming a figment of your imagination these last few months. In my rush to get back to my life I realized there is no rush. Well actually I realized that now. I feel like I’ve written that before and that I’ve “written that before.” Echoes. Echoes.
No, I am doing very well. But my body is in so much goddamn pain. It makes me go back to that question about assisted suicide I had awhile ago. Which I have talked to my therapist about. But on nights like these where the physical pain is so great…
Throbbing pain from my left ribs. Up to under my left arm. Down to my left hip, left knee, left ankle.
One acupuncturist told me that side of my body is male energy. He was wrong. A much more accomplished acupuncturist told me my left side is my female side.
All the western doctors farm me out to specialists. The specialists can only do so much before they shrug and give me a pile of stretches to do at home. Round and doing we go.
I’m left with shuffling from door to door searching for answers but still endless pain during the journey.
It feels endless. Maybe it isn’t.
But right now. It hurts. My back hurts. Everything aforementioned hurts.
I wish my job wasn’t so stressful. If I can’t handle this, how could I ever handle anything outside this town. It’s the pain that is my limitation. I have the capacity to do anything I set my mind to, but my physical pain won’t event let me write a proper blog post.
I hope next time I’m here it feels better.