Have you ever been somewhere and knew right away it was home. The people were smiling, some were laughing. You felt uncomfortable, because you weren’t used to these things. You came from a dysfunctional background and were more comfortable with dis-ease.
I am describing myself. You might have experienced these things, but really I can only speak for myself. I have found my home throughout the years. Sometimes it was a literal home with a roof, walls, love. Other times it was a spiritual home in a church or spiritual center where I could feel God’s presence. I have learned I can carry both with me at all times, because my divine source is always charged, always on. No matter where I go, I am protected by her love, pure and infinite.
This helps me realize, that despite the insanity of my life, these last two dozenish years, these last two weeks, that despite that–I am safe. I am protected. I can go to sleep knowing my source is protecting me at all times.
This is important to me because of my recent trauma, witness to trauma, abrupt losses, and drastic changes. I mean recent by the literal last 10 days. Yes, I am in the thick of it right now. I need to ground myself every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I need to take my doctor prescribed medication, and sleep 8 hours. I need to eat 3 medium meals or 5+ smaller meals to sustain my physical hunger. I need to track my body–
There is so much I need to do just to exist today. And it is exhausting. In fact, I am exhausted right now. But I felt I had to give you a taste of my meandering writing style. Stream of conscious journal that will be public.
In my nutty nut shell, this is the upcoming vignettes I will be exploring:
- Being newly single
- Bearing witness to domestic violence, including a case I will be testifying in soon
- My recent life changing diagnosis. Lifelong, incurable, but it won’t steal my spirit
- Staying sober and active in recovery
- Maintaining my brain because I also have an incurable brain disorder
- The dumbest not-layoff-soon-to-be-layoff ever AKA newly unemployed [again]
Yep, I will keep therapists in business. Good night, good morning, good day. Wherever you are, please make it good, because goddamn, if I can, then you forking can too!